Sometimes, Typing 100 wpm is Just Not Enough

My mind is traveling at 150 mph today.

That's probably dangerous given the small amount of space my brain occupies. Some of the thoughts ricocheting through my mind, in the order in which I can capture them and write them down:

1) Don't take an at home vacation day when they are installing the new, state-of-the-art firefighter command center on your floor. Right outside your door. With high-pitched drills and big, air-powered hammers and hacksaws cutting into steel pipes that shriek with the effort. And loud-voiced men who swear at each other over radios. Ever.

2) I made a promise to myself this weekend; write more, blog more and complete the four (it's ONLY four) classes I need to teach composition at the college/university level.

3) I miss touching and being touched. Working in education, you become wary of expressing yourself via touch - god knows I don't want a law suit. And in my 20 years in this business I've seen it happen - twice. But hugs are important. So are kisses. Hugs are easier to get & give. I am thankful for the people in my life who give hugs freely - expect them even and send me notes that I owe them a hug. And then follow up to get one. You know who you are - thank you!

We caution our children on 'bad touches' but we don't tell them about good touches. When did it become so wrong to squeeze a shoulder in sympathy? To hold someone and let them cry because that is all you can do? To grab your friend's hand in happiness or sadness or 'just because'? To brush a strand of hair off of a frustrated friend's face? I think I've hesitated so often in reaching out in this way that it is no longer natural for me to touch people, in any way. As a person who believes in PDA, this makes me sad. And a bit scared.

4) This apartment is a total mess. There is no empty surface. I need empty surfaces. My minimalist, perfectionist self is in the fetal position crying "no more piles, no more piles". My lazy self is contemplating pushing all this stuff into the one empty closet and telling the perfectionist self 'see, no more piles! stop whining!'

5) How do you start a relationship? Or end one? Or change the path of one?

6) I've always been a little mistrustful. Somehow, in the last year or so, I've become so cynical and jaded that I question even my own best intentions. I've not practiced a random act of kindness in a few months. This is not healthy for me as those random acts of kindness were like vitamin pills to my psyche and soul. It energized me to know I put change in the parking meter, or paid for the next person in line's coffee. Or saw someone paying their $5.56 purchase with change and saying "I've got that." Doing those things gave me peace and made me feel human. Now I ask if I am being selfish in performing these acts. After all, I do get satisfaction in doing good without getting involved. I'm not preventing homelessness or providing for the truly needy. Involvement would mean trusting; trusting that others passed along the random act, trusting myself and my motives, trusting that the little I did made a difference. Only six months ago I was paying forward. I hope Karma doesn't send me a bill.

7) I have to go dancing more. When I first moved to Chicago I went dancing at least two times per month. It was in retaliation for all the things I thought I missed - kind of an "I'll show you" activity. Pretty harmless rebellion, thank god. For various reasons, I stopped going so frequently and now I go about two times a year, and that really is not enough. I'm going to go dancing more often.

8) In the movie "Bringing Out the Dead" one of the drug dens sells "vacations." A drug that puts people in a coma-like state for a few days. The ultimate rest, body and mind, sans death. You don't have to think about anything. Life goes on around you, problems that others counted on you to solve, were solved. Tasks that had your name next to them were completed by others. It doesn't show if these "vacationing" people had dreams, or if they were cognizant of the world continuing without them. I think this could be very useful for us in prioritizing our lives. The trick would be for everyone to believe you weren't coming back (and of course, in the movie that was the case for a good many of the people!), or else they'd just say "Tammy is out for a few days, but when she returns she will solve this."

9) Boomsday is a book that examines, in a farcical way, the impact baby boomers have had on the US economy. And it proposes that they kill themselves at 62 to save it. When SS was implemented, one person paid in for one person retiring. Now one person pays in for three people retiring, so there are more baby boomers retiring than people in the work force to support them. And those paying are getting a little tired of paying so much without the guarantee that they will receive SS benefits when they retire. Offing yourself at 62, in this book, doesn't sound so bad really. Your children will be given tax breaks on their inheritance. You get to choose how you die and no doubt it would be a big event. Planned for like your first Communion, quinceanera and wedding all rolled into one. It would open up a whole new business sector. And it's not as absurd as it sounds when you really think about it.

10) Hershey kisses is expanding their menu. Recently I tried some candy corn kisses and some pumpkin spice kisses. The candy corn kisses are a little too sweet, but I really liked the pumpkin spice kisses. It was like a little pumpkin spice latte melting in my mouth.

11) Last spring a student, a young colleague and I debated the merits of inventing hover shoes. I've been thinking about this a lot as winter approaches. There are some obvious benefits to hover shoes, especially in winter - no fear of slipping on ice, no worrying about whether the sidewalks have been cleared, you'd move faster, so be less exposed to the elements. We thought they'd be great for people with mobility issues and would cost less than overhauling a building to be accessible. Even in the spring we were aware of the cons - you have to have a safe stopping mechanism, we'd probably have to license people to wear/operate them and of course they'd be cumbersome and ugly as heck. Still, I'd like a pair please.


These are only some of the things pinging around the old noodle today. I wish I had the time and energy to write all of them down, and to do so without boring you all to death. I do intend to write more and blog more, so possibly I can put my thoughts down in a way that is entertaining, or thought provoking. Or maybe just to document that I have thoughts other than those associated with my work, which is hard for some to believe. And I do know that putting all my thoughts down is very helpful for me as a writer - you might be surprised to learn what totally random, mundane thought lead to a pretty good story! I want to be more spontaneous and actively engaged in my life, so I think returning to writing will help me. Now I just have to work on that discipline thing and not be so easily distracted. Ohhh, look at that shiny thing over there...