Lord, cure me of my self-reliance, no seriously, I mean it this time!

Thank you RebeccaofSunnybrook for the wonderful early morning reads!

Now my mind is traveling to our shared history and pondering something you said.

Specifically the revelation that you almost drove yourself to the hospital while you were having a heart attack!

Dear Lord, cure me of my self-reliance.

I've taken it too far! I want to believe that people don't see my vulnerabilities. They do. Some ignore them, some take advantage of them, some acknowledge them and offer assistance, which I almost always refuse.

I am not the same person I was five or ten years ago. I cannot do all the things I did then. I should accept this and ask for help when needed.

Recently I had a minor surgery, which required me to be put under anesthesia, and I tried so hard to do it all on my own. Luckily, one friend said NO in no uncertain terms and picked me up from the hospital and took me home and checked in on me several times a day for the next few days. That was nice, and Paula, if you're reading this, thank you again for the 100th time.

My dear friend Lisa (taken at age 41 after a six year battle with breast cancer)told me that the life lesson which was hardest to learn was in asking for help and relying on others. But when you're battling for your life you have to let someone else handle the other stuff. She cautioned me to not wait to learn this lesson. I think it's beginning to sink in.

And it's sinking in over the most mundane of reasons! Because I am trying to move! I feel so silly that my life lesson in humility is learned due to a couch!

I have limited time to sort and box things, and there are boxes that haven't been opened from my move of five years ago! Actually, there are a couple of boxes that haven't been opened from my move to Chicago 10 years ago! I am downsizing from a 1 bedroom condo to a studio apartment, and so can't just move these boxes of god-knows-what again. I am overwhelmed with where to start, so I read Bec's blog entries and write in my own.

I'd like to give my furniture and assorted bric-a-brac away to family and friends, but most of them live in Iowa, so it's not as easy as saying come and take it. Moving is expensive, and my current building charges a move-out fee (every time you move anything OUT) so I can't advertise on lists and have people moving free things at differing times.

So, being self-reliant, I have requested quotes from moving and storage companies to see if they can move some things to a storage unit and others to the studio apartment. I hatch a Plan B which might or might not involve bribing some college students I know (and care about) who are strong, have limitless energies and can drive a moving van 100's of miles. I scheme a Plan C which invoves packing up the necessities and stealing away in the night...okay that one is really more like a daydream, I'd never do that.

I buy boxes and packing tape and lots of trash bags (downsizing is a perfect time to throw things out). I surround myself with a plan - today it is the bedroom including the closet. Tomorrow it is the living room and entertainment center.

Didn't I just ask to be cured of self reliance? Maybe god is telling me to get off my butt on this one and just do it. And save the asking for help for important things, like surgeries.